How parents can protect teenagers from misogyny and 'toxic masculinity' in the online world
- Voicebox
- 2 days ago
- 8 min read
This article contains references to rape and violence against women and girls.
The world of adolescence has always been complicated. Parents have long faced the challenge of helping their children navigate their formative years - whether it’s dealing with the pressure to fit in, forming healthy relationships, or confronting their rapidly changing identities.
But now the online world poses an added complexity. With social media playing such an integral role in the development of young people (teenagers spend at least four hours daily on social media), online forums like reddit platforming a hub for misogynistic views and the continuation of Andrew Tate's content being housed on social media (X, TikTok, YouTube), teenagers are more vulnerable than ever to the harmful influences that lurk in the digital space.
Netflix’s Adolescence sheds light on the struggles that young people face in this new digital world. The story follows 13-year-old Jamie Miller, who is arrested for the murder of a girl at his school, Katie Leonard. The show has struck a chord with parents, teachers, and the government, raising critical questions about the pressures that young people face and the role of online spaces in shaping their beliefs and actions. But, most importantly, it highlights a growing concern: how can we protect our children from 'toxic' influences online, including misogyny and 'toxic masculinity'?
What does misogyny and 'toxic' masculinity look like online?
'Toxic masculinity' is not a new term, and its presence in society, alongside misogyny, has been a pervasive issue for decades. But with the advent of the internet, these harmful ideologies have found a platform where they can spread rapidly, often uncensored and favoured by profit-driven apps which populate young men's algorithms with controversial, attention-grabbing content.
The rise of online figures such as Andrew Tate, who actively promote misogynistic views (he's claimed women should “bear some responsibility” if they are raped and that they “belong in the home”), and the emergence of 'incel' (involuntary celibate) culture, has created a breeding ground for harmful ideas. These figures and communities often create a narrative where women are inferior to men (and therefore that men are entitled to women's bodies), and where traits like power, aggression, wealth, and sexual confidence are the ideals of masculinity.
Jamie Miller’s story in Adolescence is a scarily accurate example of how a warped idea of what masculinity is can spiral out of control. While the show isn't based on a specific case, the details are all too familiar, with recent news stories such as Kyle Clifford who raped and murdered his ex girlfriend Louise Hunt and murdered her mother and sister Carol and Hannah Hunt hours after watching videos of Andrew Tate on YouTube.
Adolescence exposes the internal struggles of a young boy who feels insecure in his looks and confidence, and finds solace in his time on his bedroom computer. Jamie's Dad, while displaying seemingly 'normal' and well modelled parenting, struggles to regulate his own emotions (the show references him tearing down a shed in an angry outburst). Jamie attends a school where his male classmates don't respect their female teachers, and his status in the social media world is dictated by emojis (Katie, who Jamie murders, is thought to have commented on one of Jamie's Instagram, posts with a kidney bean emoji, effectively calling him an incel).
While the show doesn't offer specific answers to what can be done for young men engaging in misogynistic online spaces, it does offer context for why so many boys and young men do turn to the internet for answers and validation. His story highlights how vulnerable teenagers are to these ideologies, especially when they lack the support and guidance to navigate their emotions, relationships, identity and the online world.
As a parent, it can be difficult, even impossible, to keep track of everything your child is consuming online, and even harder to understand the full extent of how it might be affecting them. While complete control may not be feasible (nor should we be stripping away teenagers' freedom and/or independence), it's crucial that we take steps to better understand the online world our children are inhabiting and the dangers that lie within.
The influence of social media on teenagers
Andrew Tate, a former kickboxer and social media personality, is a prime example of the type of online figure who has gained a following whilst promoting misogynistic views. A lot of Tate's messaging is seemingly positive, promoting confidence, independence and financial success, which explains why so many young men are drawn to him (one in five males aged 16 to 29 in the UK hold a positive view of Tate's content). But his views on women - often portraying them as property or objects to be controlled - have also resonated with many young men, especially those who feel lost or disconnected.
Similarly, the 'manosphere' - a collection of websites, blogs, and forums where like-minded men discuss issues related to men’s rights and masculinity - often fosters an environment fuelled by misogynistic views, stripping women down to a non-human species (women are often referred to as 'female humanoids' or 'foids'). Within these spaces, young boys can encounter dangerous ideas about women, relationships, and their roles as men.
The 'incel' subculture, which is part of this broader manosphere, presents a particularly dangerous form of misogyny. Incels often harbour extreme resentment toward women, blaming them for their perceived lack of success in relationships. This cycle of anger and frustration can lead to real-world harm, as seen in several high-profile violent incidents linked to incel culture. Alongside this, many ‘incel’s are also particularly vulnerable young men: many have mental health issues, and suicidality or suicidal ideation are much higher in incels than in the general population.
The impact on teenagers' mental health and relationships
The digital world can have a profound impact on a teenager’s mental health, especially when they are exposed to harmful content. Teenage boys in particular have been hit hardest by the challenges of the COVID-19 pandemic and the subsequent mental health crisis. As these young men struggle with their own identity, self-worth, and emotional well-being, they may seek solace in online communities that offer a sense of belonging, but many of these spaces are promoting unhealthy views of masculinity and relationships, leaving boys more vulnerable to the influence of harmful ideologies.
Archie, an 18-year-old from Xaverian College in Manchester, shared his perspective with the Guardian on how the pressure to conform to unrealistic portrayals of masculinity can affect young men: “You create this unrealistic expectation for young men before they have sex, and then once they have sex, if it doesn’t go the exact way that porn depicts it – and it’s not going to when you first have sex – I think it can make young men probably a bit more resentful towards women if it’s not going the way that they want it to. And it creates, I think, probably a bit of anger, and it all contributes to that cycle, and maybe [the man] ends up blaming the woman for it.”
This vicious cycle of unrealistic and therefore unattainable standards, disappointment, self-doubt, and aggression is a losing game for both young men and women. If left unchecked, these feelings can manifest in real-world behaviours with harmful and irreversible effects.
As scared and unsettled parents may feel after watching Adolescence, Jamie's story is preventable.
How can parents protect their teenagers?
It's essential that parents take an active role in helping their children navigate the challenges of the digital world. Here are some steps you can take to protect your teenagers from misogyny, unhealthy masculinity, and other harmful online influences:
1. Be curious
Understanding the digital landscape is the first step in protecting your teenager. Learn about the dangers of the manosphere, incel culture, and figures like Andrew Tate. As well as a free glossary of terms related to the manosphere, we also hold online sessions for parents to learn more about how to address these issues at home. These are 70 minute online sessions, with a 60 min talk and a 10 min Q&A. In an assembly-style, interactive session, we cover:
What is masculinity, unhealthy masculinity & healthy masculinity
Why is masculinity a crucial topic today?
Masculinity in the 21st Century: the impact of social media on boys and masculinity
How to promote healthy masculinity with the young people in your life
Further resources for understanding masculinity
Any questions you may have about masculinity
Book a parent session for your school or organisation or find out more by emailing Jack at jack@voiceboxcic.com.
2. Have open and positive conversations
Talking about serious topics like misogyny with your teenager can feel uncomfortable and awkward for both of you, and can make your child feel like they've done something wrong.
Encourage open, non-judgmental discussions about the content they are consuming and the people they follow, and try to stay clear of the phrase 'toxic masculinity', instead referring to masculinity in terms of healthy or unhealthy.
It's crucial to have this conversation in a balanced way: we’ve found that acknowledging that traditional ideas of masculinity can be positive helps young people feel heard and stay engaged in conversations about masculinity. Ideas like strength, confidence and success can be hugely beneficial, but if you are expected to always be strong, and you are struggling, that is when strength can become a problem. Our co-founder Andy recently spoke on the importance of positive conversations around masculinity with Adrian Chiles on BBC Radio 5 Live.
Let your child know that it’s okay to question anything you say, just as you may want to question things said by them. It should feel like a conversation rather than a lecture, where neither side is being shut down, and both are learning from each other.
3. Set boundaries and monitor online activity
While it’s important to respect your child’s privacy, it’s also necessary to set boundaries around their online activity. Use parental control tools to monitor the websites they visit and the content they engage with. Discuss these boundaries with your child so they understand why they are in place and try to come to an agreement based on trust and responsibility.
4. Model healthy masculinity in the home
Masculinity can look and feel like so many different things in the home depending on your family's culture, religion, the generation of parents, siblings, and other differing factors.
What remains crucial is that the model of masculinity your teenager is exposed to is one that promotes respect, empathy, emotional intelligence and authenticity. Boys need to see that being strong doesn't mean suppressing feelings or being aggressive. Instead, they should understand that true strength comes from being kind, vulnerable, and willing to engage with the world in a balanced, respectful way.
5. Provide emotional support
Like many young people, teenage boys often struggle with mental health. And while spending hours in their room may translate as normal behaviour for someone their age, it could also be a sign of them resorting to answers online when they are feeling sad, lost and insecure.
Having regular check-ins about how they're doing and normalising doing things for their mental health (joining sports clubs, encouraging social media-free time, activities with the family etc.) will help them to build real-life coping mechanisms and strategies for dealing with stress, frustration, and loneliness.
For more information and resources, consider booking Voicebox's online parent sessions, where you can learn how to protect your child and promote healthy masculinity.
Find out more about our parent sessions by emailing Jack at jack@voiceboxcic.com.
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